Recovery & Fitness

There have been so many people recently on the recovery networks that I'm a part of that are posting things about how fitness posts and fitness accomplishments have nothing to do with your recovery. That by choosing the lifestyle that consists of healthy eating and working out you're still listening to the voice in your head that controlled you for so many years.

Yes there are probably people out there that use it as an outlet, and that use it in an unhealthy manner. But for every person that uses it to help their ED there is one that uses it as a release of the negative energy that builds up inside. There is one that uses the gym as an outlet, and uses it so that they can visually see their strength.

The gym isn't something that i've turned to in order to control my food intake and calories burned. It's not something that i've used to change what i'm constantly thinking about. It's what was there when nothing else was. It's the thing that was there when I needed something to turn to. Something to help release all of the negative thoughts that built up inside. There are bad days and there are good days when it comes to recovery, and on those bad days it's in the gym that i see how far i've come and how much i've conquered.

Choosing this lifestyle wasn't switching from one addiction to another. It was about choosing life and choosing strength.

So for everyone in the networks that think that posting fitness pictures and transformation pictures isn't what recovery looks like.. you need to sit back and think about what you're really saying. Just because someone chooses a different path to find themselves and to accept themselves and everything that they are does not mean that their way is not valid. Your recovery journey is not the only way.

We all have our own journey. By telling someone that their chosen path to recovery isn't the right one could hit someone the wrong way and send them back down the dark path that we both know isn't the way we want to travel.

July 2nd 2015

Recently I've been getting a lot of questions as to why I won't do a fitness competition or why I haven't done one before because "you'd be good at it" or "you would only have to cut". It's hard to explain to people that cutting isn't the easiest thing when you've been where I was.

Restricting so many different things isn't the easiest or smartest thing to do when everyday is a battle with yourself to eat and make healthy choices. It's hard enough some days to eat breakfast let alone to weigh every single thing you eat and track every calorie burnt off and eaten through out the day in order to prep for a competition.

I've thought about it before... But when it comes to thinking about it for me. It's more or less if i'm mentally stable enough in order to commit to that kind of prep for that long.

And to be honest, i'm not and I may never be.
There are still so many days that I struggle with how much I eat.. even if i'm not tracking it. There are still so many days that I can't sleep at night because in the back of my mind i'm trying to figure it all out. No their aren't as many as there were before, and they get farther and farther apart with time but they do happen.

And I've come to a point where I understand that they will happen. It's just a matter of getting past them and moving onto the next day without it interfering and taking over. I'm where I am today because of where I was 3 years ago or even 6 years ago.

All i've thought about was being able to wake up and look at myself in the morning without breaking down... and everyday to me that's an accomplishment in itself. As long as I have that, I don't need a spray tan, a bikini , and heels in order to feel like i've accomplished something.

Week 3

I'm into week three of the first phase of the working with Anthony my online trainer and I still could not be more happy as how it's going. Not only do I feel fantastic about myself and how it's coming so far but there's still so much more that I can accomplish. I feel so good after each workout and so proud of myself for crushing myself everyday.

These three weeks have gone by so quickly, and with so little struggle that it's hard to believe that i changed that much of my diet. But it's really gone to show that your nutrition changes everything when it comes to working out.

For the most part before I was eating a pretty balanced diet, but I would have late night binge sessions of cookies and tons of other junk food. It all eventually adds up. Now that i've cut out the bingeing on junk and cut out the extra sugars and bad carbs I've seen so much more results in fewer time.

This is just after a couple of weeks ... I can't wait to see how much progress i'll have made after the full 6 weeks when i'm heading into the second stage. My goal starting this six weeks was to lean out and get some abs before summer. I can honestly say that i'm well on my way to achieving my goal.

If you've thought about getting a personal trainer before but don't have the money to get someone that's one on one for your workouts.. go with an online trainer. At first I was a bit nervous as to how it would work out, because i'd never done it before.. but it was probably the best decision that i've made in a long time when it comes to my health and being able to change up my program and find something that works. It doesn't matter how much you know about working out, there's always someone out there that is going to be able to teach you something, and that's going to be able to enhance your workouts that much more and give you that push to bring you to the next level. I didn't think that I needed a trainer... but I thought I would try it for the experience ... now that i've tried it, I can't believe it took me that long to get one.

I love not thinking about what i'm going to workout that day. I love not having to think about what i'm going to make when I get home. I love that I can just open the book and look at the day and find the workout and know exactly what to do everyday without a second thought. It makes things 100 times easier. 

March 9 -- 1WK into new Program

Going into my second week with a trainer and I couldn't feel better about it. The nutrition and carb cycling is probably the hardest part, but everything else seems to be coming along easily. The workouts and being able to make it to the gym are fantastic.. and after the first week my body hasn't been completely and utterly in pain. I think the change in my diet combined with the new workout program sent my body into a shock and my muscles were not ready for it.
Now that it's been a little bit over a week i'm slowly starting to see some progress as well as feel it. The better i feel and the more minor progressions that I see in myself, the more excited I am to keep going and to continue in order to reach my goal.

I spent the first month and a half of this year going back and forth with the mindset of how I used to be. My workouts were slowly going downhill and my nutrition was a mild combination of bingeing and not eating enough of anything let alone what I actually needed. I was stressed and I couldn't concentrate on things. But I've managed to get things back on track, and now working with Anthony for this past week and a bit i've managed to pull myself back together and out of where I was slowly starting to fall back into.

It's just as much of a mental thing as it is a physical thing.. and I can't wait to reach my goals both physically and mentally.