Recently I've been getting a lot of questions as to why I won't do a fitness competition or why I haven't done one before because "you'd be good at it" or "you would only have to cut". It's hard to explain to people that cutting isn't the easiest thing when you've been where I was.
Restricting so many different things isn't the easiest or smartest thing to do when everyday is a battle with yourself to eat and make healthy choices. It's hard enough some days to eat breakfast let alone to weigh every single thing you eat and track every calorie burnt off and eaten through out the day in order to prep for a competition.
I've thought about it before... But when it comes to thinking about it for me. It's more or less if i'm mentally stable enough in order to commit to that kind of prep for that long.
And to be honest, i'm not and I may never be.
There are still so many days that I struggle with how much I eat.. even if i'm not tracking it. There are still so many days that I can't sleep at night because in the back of my mind i'm trying to figure it all out. No their aren't as many as there were before, and they get farther and farther apart with time but they do happen.
And I've come to a point where I understand that they will happen. It's just a matter of getting past them and moving onto the next day without it interfering and taking over. I'm where I am today because of where I was 3 years ago or even 6 years ago.
All i've thought about was being able to wake up and look at myself in the morning without breaking down... and everyday to me that's an accomplishment in itself. As long as I have that, I don't need a spray tan, a bikini , and heels in order to feel like i've accomplished something.
