I never thought about what It would be like to have you gone. The thought you may not be here one day never once crossed my mind and now that you're not here it crosses my mind everyday. The fact I can't call and see how you are or go to Windsor and just sit and drink coffee and watch golf with you eats away at me.
Today I turned 22 and it's not the same without you here. Nothing will ever quite be the same now that you're gone.
It never crossed my mind that it would actually happen and it's been a couple of months and it's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that you weren't going to be here forever.
It's hard to be happy knowing that you're not here. That there aren't going to be anymore walks along the river and getting French fries. No more lessons and talks about random things.
It's hard to be happy when I can't come over and share it with you.
It's hard to be happy even though I know you would want me to be.
All I want this year is for you to be back .. Maybe my birthday wish is a little out of reach, but it might be the only thing that could make everything be okay. As much as my birthday has been incredible, in the back of my mind you're still there, and all I can think about is what it would be like to tell you about my trip and see the smile on your face as I spill detail after detail ... and that's what hurts the most.
I can't tell you everything, I can't show you pictures of it ... and I can't share fries by the river.
All I want for my birthday is to have you back ... I wasn't ready to say good bye.
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