There have been so many times that i've sat and looked back on how far i've come since the day I decided that I needed help and opened up to someone. There have been days that i've looked back and wondered how I managed to do it, and wondered if I was really as sick as I had thought. But then I look back on the pictures and things that I had written and I wonder how nobody ever asked if anything was wrong. How nobody noticed that I was slowly ruining my body. I look back on pictures and remember the decisions that I made and wonder how the people that I was friends with never noticed. How they never noticed my destructive behaviour.
There are so many times that I look back and think about how far i've come, but it wasn't until this week that I really put myself back into that mind frame. The reason I was destroying myself, and the reason why I decided to get help. It wasn't until this week that I really thought about what was going through my head at the time and how much i've changed through out the past couple of years.
People do change, you may not see it right away, and you might be stuck in the mind set of who they used to be so you pre judge them... but people change. People change because of the things they struggle with in silence. They change and they grow because of the different battles they face daily.
I've been told so many times throughout the years that what I struggled with and what I battled didn't make me weak. It didn't make me a bad person that I fell so far off the path. It doesn't make me a bad person that I spent years hating myself and destroying myself. It's taken me years to realize that the things that you go through don't make you a bad or a good person.. what does is how you deal with them. It's taken me a while to realize that it wasn't my fault and that mental illness isn't something you choose for yourself. I chose recovery... I didn't choose an illness.
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