Recovery and the Holidays

The Holidays can be one of the most stressful times whether you're in Recovery or still struggling. I know for me they have always been stressful for about a week to two weeks leading up to the holiday ... the actual day.. and then the week after.

What makes it harder is when you have more than one family that is celebrating them and you can either go to one or several. Being able to make it through the holidays is something that I have almost never been able to do without a minor relapse, simply because there is so much food and so many people and it sends me into some sort of overdrive or shock.

I've read so many articles on how to make it through the holidays.. and they all say the same thing. Make sure you have people that you can talk to, have your coping methods, etc. But that can only go so far. There are only so many things that you can do, and so many things that you can try.. and sometimes it doesn't always work. There is always going to be people that you can talk to.. the people that have helped you get to where you are today but the difference is, you've heard the same things over and over again. There comes a time when it just sounds like a broken record and it doesn't help anymore.

Every year i've managed to avoid the holidays completely or be around no more than 6 people with all of the people knowing and understanding where I stand. But this year it's different. This year there's going to be more than just 6 people... and only one of them will understand where I stand. It's almost terrifying to think that there are going to be people that don't understand how stressful it is, and that won't understand what it's like to see so much food all at once .. and so many foods that i swore i would never touch all at once.

Part of me wants to pretend that i'm sick and just skip the whole holiday all together. Call it quits and skip the holiday. Part of me doesn't want to face it all.
But the other part of me wants to face it. The other part of me wants to take it head on and fight it through.
The only struggle is.. if i decide to take it on and fight it through, I could end up back in that place where I don't want to be. That minor relapse, the anxiety that overwhelms and takes over every part of me for a week.

I could google and look up article after article about how to make it through the holidays .. but none of them will help. None of them are going to take it away for good. None of them are going to fix it or make it go away.

I hate the holidays.. and I can't wait until they're over.